11.11.2015 | 08:29
How important is trust in a relationship? How do you develop trust in a relationship? And what is trust in a relationship? Learning how to trust someone isn’t always an easy thing to do, it can chase us away from our ideal partner and have us cowering in our bed, fixed in the fetal position, questioning why we even bother.
True love takes courage and hard work, but no matter how crazy the roller-coaster, let me tell you it is well worth the ride.
Ask a caveman why trust is important
Since the beginning of time we have had to rely on trust in a relationship for survival. Cave women would have to trust cave men to bring food to the table, while cave men had to trust that the cave baby was indeed his baby and not some other cave man’s baby. So you could say that trust in a relationship as a survival instinct and has been ingrained in us as a foundation of a relationship for years.
Trust can vary on different degrees depending on the person, though the primary foundation is essentially the same.
As human beings we require to be nurtured and loved by our partners, we trust that they will love us, accept us and protect us, trust is being able to be yourself and voice your deepest thoughts and wildest opinions without being afraid of being hurt, judged, rejected or put down.
The biggest reason we are afraid to trust is because we give someone power to potentially hurt us.
So where do I start?
It can be a very hard thing to trust in a relationship, if trust is broken it can be a very painful thing. I believe it’s about setting those boundaries finding the right person, and taking a leap of faith.
Make sure you bat for the same team
This means aligning your morals and expectations with your partner, make sure your values match. You have to be able to communicate to each other what you want in order for your partner to understand what is important to you.
The thing about values is that it’s the deep-seated stuff that doesn’t get brought up on the first date. We have probably all heard the horror stories about a first date… ” So how many kids do you want?”, “when do you want to get married?”. These kinds of questions are not just awkward but could spell death to a relationship before it even gets off the ground. Eventually though these topics have to be covered.
Watch out for the red flags
You need to ask yourself “do I feel comfortable trusting this person?” and “is this person trustworthy?”
Orange flags are your own hang ups. Nobody is perfect and we all have orange flags. It might be a fear of abandonment or it could be a deep distrust of the opposite sex due to past experience.
These “hang ups” are based on your own past and is a growth opportunity to allow a partner into your life to challenge those beliefs.
The red flags are deal breakers, they are the qualities of someone that you can’t live with or go against your morals. To be ready for a positive and healthy relationship we have to align our moral compass with another person, this means identifying your own orange flags and keeping an eagle eye for any red flags.
But how can we Identify Red flags? Some indications might be if they lie to other people or put down their friends. Is it a red flag? Or just an orange one? Are you making it up in your head? is it your hang up from a past experience or is it really them? If they can’t be trusted drop them and find someone better. Don’t waste your time, some people are not to be trusted and are born heart breakers.
Take the dive and learn to swim as best as you can
Before I realised I was in love I realised I was scared, the exhilaration of meeting a compatible partner opens us up to new wounds. But a healthy relationship can help us grow in ways we never saw ourselves.
In my current relationship I have been blessed to develop a more nurturing side. My partner has been brave enough to show me her fears and I have been fortunate enough to respect her experience and do my best at providing a platform for overcoming past pain.
Love is about taking a chance, I’ll be honest, I have no idea what I’m doing, all I know is I have respect for my partners well-being and a desire to help shape a world around us which we both want to share. In my opinion, that is the most beautiful thing about trust. It’s about finding someone who you can share a dream with and letting them into that sacred space.
Overall be patient trust is not something you can rush, it takes time and work to build up. There will be ups and downs, however every time your relationship does take a dive, look at it as a chance to grow together instead of a step back. If trust is broken you need to work at regaining trust in a relationship, however no relationship is without its arguments, it’s how we approach these times and how we listen to each other that help us to build and gain trust, just make sure to keep communicating with each other.
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